Once I watched a movie about how courtesans in Venice Italy became more educated and desired by men of the royal court . One in particular couldn't marry the man she loved because of her family's status. The only way she could have him is to become a courtesan.
Her mother taught her "to give pleasure, you must know pleasure." So she showed her how to pamper herself, educate herself in the arts, music, literature and enjoy all the finer things in life. So when the men of high social standing appeared.... well you have to watched to the movie to see what happens next. HA!
I will tell you this beautiful courtesan persuaded the French King to send his troops to support the Italians army at war.
By no means am I suggesting you become a high class prostitute. But I will tell you "to give pleasure is to know pleasure" for some reason stuck with me.
And today I thought I want love. Do I know love? I think I do! But do I really know what it means to love someone unconditionally. Then I thought ...Do I love myself unconditionally? I know that sounds like a silly question. But I am my worst critic. I get in my own way of happiness.
My childhood wasn't filled with I love yous and I miss yous. Quiet as kept, when my friends tells me they love me, I feel uncomfortable. Why? you asked? That's a great question. My only answer is I am not in daily practice of giving and receiving love. I've probably been single longer than I've been in a relationship. And that's by choice.
Yeah it sounds weird to me too. It's like anything else for me to get into the daily habit of practicing what I want. Yes that includes love. So I start by loving myself. By taking the time to give myself pleasure from taking long hot baths to washing my beautiful natural hair slowly and not rushing to comb out the conditioner. I take myself to quiet romantic dinners. I'd really like to go to the Opera but won't, thinking I'll wait for my prince charming to take me.
So today I wrote myself a love letter. I designed the front with a tie dye dress and wrote on the back of the note a fashion quote that inspired me. Then I stuffed the letter in an envelope addressed to myself. I may mail it out tomorrow, I haven't decided. I thought how can I expect my life's partner to do things I haven't done for myself.
What do you do to love yourself?
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